Trauma
by TheFirstAvenger21
Summary: I was feeling angsty recently and this was about the most angsty thing I could think of. Imagine a demon raping Dean's girlfriend (named OFC) and forcing him to watch. May continue this with a second chapter with lots more feels. Because Winchester feels are the best feels. TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE/NON-CON. PRETTY GRAPHIC. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I was feeling angsty and sad recently and this was about the most angsty thing I could think of.**

 **I don't own supernatural or anything, etc, etc. Only the girl is an OC. TRIGGER WARNING: Rape/Non-Con. Somewhat/pretty graphic. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. Also, I don't have any experience with writing characters that have been the victims of such events, so I did my best. I understand the reactions to this type of trauma can vary.**

 **Anyway, enjoy! Reviews are appreciated, as always. Might continue this with a chapter with more feels. God knows I could use some Winchester feels right about now.**

 **Happy reading!**

"Well, well, well. She's awake."

Maddie stared defiantly at the black-eyed man standing in front of her. She could see Dean tied up in the corner, still unconscious, and her heart caught in her throat. _This guy was going to pay._ Her boyfriend would wake up any minute now, and they'd kill the son of a bitch together.

The demon smiled. "Well now we can get acquainted before lover boy over there wakes up. What do ya say, beautiful?" He walked over until he was much too close for her liking, and ran a hand along her stomach, which made her flinch despite her attempt at bravado.

She was strapped down to a gurney that left her upright, hands and feet bound tightly. She could see an impressive and nauseating array of torture devices to her left, but thankfully the demon didn't make any attempts to use them. "Go to hell," she spat, her voice dripping with venom.

"Tsk, Maddie, that's no mouth for a lady." He slapped her, hard, and she let out a small whimper before biting her tongue. She'd be damned if she was going to give him the satisfaction. It was enough though, and you could see Dean start to stir in the corner of the room.

"Get the hell away from her, you black-eyed son of a bitch!" His eyes were livid, and Maddie could see him struggling to free himself. _Why the hell did we leave Sam back at the bunker…?_

"Oh, relax, Casanova, I'm not going to torture her." Maddie frowned. Demons weren't known for tying people up for shits and giggles. "I just came here to have a little fun. Don't feel like getting my hands dirty though."

"Then why the hell are we here?" Maddie asked, slightly fearing the answer.

"Oh, honey, you see," the demon drawled, "Dean here took out one of my best lieutenants. My protégée, if you will. So I'm just here to have some fun, get a little payback."

 _Payback that doesn't involve torture…?_ "Okay, I'm confused. I honestly didn't think demons were that stupid. What the hell is your endgame here?"

The demon laughed, looking over at Dean. "Well, you see missy, you're important to Dean. Probably the only thing other than Sasquatch. And since he's unavailable…"

"Cut to the chase, dick," Dean spat. He glanced at her and beneath the tough exterior Maddie could see the fear in his eyes. Seeing his girlfriend, the only one who could make him even want to think the word, strapped to a gurney because of him hurt like hell. He couldn't free himself of his bonds no matter how hard he tried, and he was helpless to save her. And he hated it, He watched, dread pooling in the pit of his stomach as the demon made its way over to her.

"Well, Dean-o, seems the key to breaking you is to break someone you love. And since I happen to have one right here in front of me, I plan on doing just that. But I have a slightly… different type of torture in mind." The demon ran his hands over Maddie's stomach, pulling the hem up to touch the skin, and Dean's blood ran cold. _No… please God, no…_ He saw her face pale, her eyes widening as she realized what the son of a bitch was planning. The terror he saw in her face was enough to make him see red, and he struggled, furiously trying to free himself. It was no use, though, the bonds were wound tight. His eyes began to water, and Maddie saw the tears begin to pool there.

This demon was going to rape her. And he was going to make Dean watch.

She almost threw up at the thought. Her eyes watered with tears to match Dean's, but she pushed them back down. No way was she going to let this scumbag see her cry. The black-eyed man had removed his shirt, and he walked back over to where she was tied down.

She looked away, trying not to let out a fearful whimper as the demon began running his hand across her face, her neck, then down to her breasts. She could feel the bile rise up as he groped them, then ran his hand down to her stomach to pull her shirt up over her head, to where her arms were strapped down. A few tears made their way down her face despite her attempts to stop them as the demon removed her bra, bending down to lick her nipples. She let out a small sob, glancing over at Dean with an expression of absolute horror.

Words couldn't describe what Dean was feeling. He was completely and utterly helpless, and he could only watch as the demon shimmied her pants down her thighs, as she cringed to try and keep the tears from falling when he undid the bonds on one of her legs so he could spread them wide. It was enough to make him sick, and when the demon began to remove his own pants, he met Maddie's eyes.

Fear. Pure and utter fear, naked and exposed, was all he saw there. Hot, wet, tears began pouring down his cheeks. Maddie was someone who tried her best to keep her emotions from the world, and he _never_ seen her eyes look like that in all the time he had known her. His lip trembled, and he tried to let her know everything he felt in that one moment- that he loved her, that he was so unbelievably sorry, that he would spend the rest of his life holding her, making sure she was safe, making her okay. Her lip trembled to match his, and despite everything happening, she gave him a small smile. _It's okay. I forgive you,_ it seemed to say. And that broke Dean more than anything else. She didn't hate him for this, didn't think he was a monster and wouldn't run away from him in the opposite direction after it was over. He shut his eye, the tears now falling freely, sobs racking his body.

And then, all he heard was screams. Her screams. Screams of pure terror and agony. And it was making him come undone. More than hell, more than purgatory, this was the thing that broke him. It felt like forever that he sat there, sobbing, listening to Maddie scream until she couldn't manage anything more than soft whimpers. He struggled like a man possessed, desperate to find anything that would get him out of this chair, but there was nothing. The demon was thorough. And then when it was over, the demon walked over to him and laughed. He stood there, laughing in his face after he had brutally raped his girlfriend, and Dean found a strength he never knew he had. He gave one last desperate, adrenaline fueled tug, and the ropes gave. They snapped like paper and then Dean was on him, pummeling every inch of this thing that he could reach, not caring about the consequences, not caring that he should be exorcising him. Just punching. He grabbed the angel blade sitting on the nearby table, and then he was slicing, stabbing, carving. Every inch of this thing was covered in cuts before it finally died. Dean made sure of it. He was possessed with a fury he'd never known before, not even when he was torturing souls in Hell or fighting through purgatory.

Then when the thing was gone, all he could think about was Maddie. He glanced up. Her eyes were shut, sobs racking her whole frame, her body limp and fragile, bruises already beginning to form. He stumbled over to her, still in complete and utter shock. It took all the restraint he had not to immediately kiss her, showing her how much he needed her, but she needed him first. She opened her eyes, letting out a breathy laugh.

It was agony. All of it was pure and utter agony. She felt broken, humiliated, violated, but the look in Dean's eyes was the worst. He was broken too. She let the tears come freely now, letting the loud sobs that she did her best to hold back come unhindered. Dean's eyes were a book, baring all his emotions as he undid her bonds with shaky hands, pulling her clothes back onto her. He was careful though, his hands only lightly brushing her skin as if she would push him away any second if he touched her too much.

Once she was free and he saw the look of pure relief on her face, he crushed her to his chest, sobbing uncontrollably and kissing every inch of her skin he could reach. She expected her body to resist, to push him away after everything it had been through, not letting him touch it for days afterwards. But it didn't. There was no doubt, in body or mind, that she needed this. She needed Dean holding her, making her okay again.

His tears were flowing freely, dripping onto the top of her head. Her heart broke for him, despite everything, and she ran her fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm him down. She could feel him trembling almost as much as she was, and that made her own tears come harder and faster. Dean was strong, so strong, and he was reduced to this, because of her. She meant that much to him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I love you, I'm so sorry…" He repeated it over and over into her hair in between pressing his lips onto every inch of her he could reach. This was his fault. Maddie didn't deserve this. She was broken, violated, humiliated, all because of him. He was a monster.

"Dean, stop, please. It's okay baby, it's okay." She knew what he was doing. He was blaming himself, berating himself because the demon targeted her to get to him. But she wasn't angry with him, not by a longshot. She saw what he did to the demon, saw how desperately he struggled to get to her. She saw the pain in his eyes when he realized it was no use and he couldn't stop what was about to happen. And she wasn't angry with him in the slightest.

Two fingers found her chin and pulled her face up, and then his mouth was on hers, desperate and hungry, but trying to be gentle, as if she might break at any second and run as far away from him as she could. But that wasn't what she needed right now, and she kissed him back with reckless abandon, running her fingers through his hair and pulling him impossibly closer. She felt his trembles slow as their kisses became less hungry and more comforting, gentle caresses of lips and skin. He pulled away first and rested his forehead on hers. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but she shushed him.

"Dean, this isn't your fault. You couldn't have known this was coming, and you couldn't have prevented it. I'm not okay by anyone's standards, but you beating yourself up about it is only going to make it worse." She took a shaky breath as her mind flashed back to before, and shut her eyes to block it out. She felt Dean press a kiss to her forehead, waiting until she was ready to continue. "I need your help Dean. I can't make it through this without you."

"I'm right here, babe," he whispered. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise." And he meant it. She was strong, so unbelievably strong, and if anyone could come back from this, it was her. And Dean would do anything to help her.


	2. Chapter 2

**So I decided to get a bit more angsty before I get to the major feelsy part. But there's a bit of feels here. And more to come. Also, this chapter was extremely hard to write, so feedback is very much appreciated as always. More chapters to come! Not sure how many yet, but stay tuned. :) REVIEWS ARE LOVE**

The drive back to the bunker was the worst Dean had ever experienced.

His hands gripped Baby's steering wheel so tightly he knew there would be bruises the next morning. The speedometer never dipped below 70 for the whole trip. He was barely focused on the road, and if he was even somewhat paying attention to what he was doing he would have realized that they came dangerously close to wrecking almost five times. But he couldn't stop glancing across at the passenger seat next to him.

Dean had all but carried her out of the warehouse to the Impala down the road, his arms never leaving her shoulders. She hadn't said a word as he walked her back, but the look of haunting pain on her face had been enough to break Dean's heart all over again. She had slid into the Impala gently, wincing at the movement, and Dean made a mental note to check her thoroughly for injuries later.

Maddie sat there, curled up into a small ball, scrunching her legs together and taking up as little space as humanly possible. Her eyes were wide, staring out the window as she struggled to process what just happened. _I wish he fucking tortured me…_ She shut her eyes tightly as a violent flashback overwhelmed her, and it was all she could do not to burst into tears again. She took a deep, calming breath, because hell if she was going to give the bastard the satisfaction, but she couldn't help the frightened whimper that escaped her lips.

"Hey… I know baby, we're almost home, okay?" Dean reached out and put a comforting hand on her knee, but she jerked back violently and scrunched closer to the window, crying out.

Dean jerked his hand back as if he'd been burnt, feeling his eyes welling up again. She looked up at him with wide eyes, remorse flooding her face.

"Dean…" It was the first time she'd spoken since they got in the car, and the broken tremor in her voice made him want to grab her and never let her go. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry." The tears were falling now, and there was nothing she could do to stop them. Pretty soon it turned into full blown sobs, her head between her knees as she let out the torrent of emotion she'd been holding back.

"Hey, hey. There's nothing to be sorry for. I won't touch me to unless you want me to, okay?" It was the opposite of what he wanted, but he knew she needed it. She needed to know she was safe around him, and if that meant giving her some space for now, then he could deal with that.

Maddie started sobbing harder at his words. She didn't want to push him away, in fact all she wanted was to be in his arms for the next day and a half but her body didn't seem to agree with her.

The rest of the drive back was spent in silence, broken only by her soft sobs. The bunker's garage was a welcome sight when they finally pulled in an hour later. Maddie sat up slowly, drying her eyes in an attempt to put on a brave face. She _really_ didn't want to have to explain to Sam why she looked like this. She opened the door and got out of the car, not missing the way Dean was staying as far away from her as was polite. She felt a small pang at the sight- he knew he was trying to give her some space, but part of her really wished he wouldn't.

Maddie breathed a sigh of relief when she didn't see Sam inside the bunker. He was probably asleep. She heard a bag drop, and she saw Dean watching her out of the corner of her eye, wearing his familiar guarded expression, but his eyes betrayed the pain hidden there. He walked over to her when she beckoned him and she slowly lifted her hand, placing it on his chest. He noticed the small, almost imperceptible flinch, but she seemed okay with touching him. _That at least is a good sign._

She shut her eyes and let out the breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "It hurts…" The whisper was so soft that Dean nearly missed it, but the raw pain was clear.

"Shhh… I know baby girl. Let's get you into a nice hot shower so you can clean up, okay? Then you can sleep as long as you want. You need to rest sweetheart." He gave her a questioning look, silently asking for permission as he raised his arm, and when she nodded he took her hand, leading her to the bathroom.

He turned the water on before turning to face her. He placed a tender kiss to her forehead, slowly enough that she could have stopped him if she wanted to, but he was relieved when she didn't. "I'll be right outside if you need me, sweetheart," he said before leaving her to her thoughts.

She took her time, stripping off her clothes slowly to avoid jostling her aching body. She stood, taking in her reflection in the mirror at the bruises turning her body an ugly purple color and shuddering when she noticed the shape of handprints.

Turning away quickly, she stepped in the shower, letting the hot water soothe her aching muscles and wash the dirt and grime from her limbs. Taking a shuddering breath, she closed her eyes as her mind involuntary remembered the feeling of the demon's hands on her. She braced her hand on the shower wall as she felt the tears start once more. Bile rose up in her throat at the thought of what he did to her, how his hands felt, how his… _that_ felt… and the dam broke.

Her sobs filled the room as she sank to the floor, crying out and putting her head in her hands. She felt dirty, used, broken… like she'd never be whole, never be the same again. Her sobs got louder as she grabbed the soap, scrubbing violently at every inch of her skin. She scrubbed until the skin turned a faint red, and kept going as she stood up, trying to wash the night's events off of her somehow.

She heard the door open and shut, and felt rather than heard Dean listening to her sobs for about a minute. Then she heard the sounds of clothing being shed before the curtain pulled back and he stepped slowly in the shower behind her. She tensed for a fraction of a second before relaxing, going back to the task at hand. He reached around her small frame and grabbed her hands gently, still scrubbing at skin rubbed raw. He pulled her back against his chest, slowly lowering her arms to her sides.

He was supposed to be giving her space, keeping his distance. But goddammit, she needed him. She needed him now.

"Shh, baby, stop. Let me…" he murmured, lifting the soap from her hands as she stood sobbing against him. "I know what you're doing. Let me help." Feather light touches soothed her aching muscles, but did almost nothing to soothe her aching mind. His hands moved impossibly slowly across her skin, more gently than they ever had before, and it made her heart ache.

"I feel…" She tried to talk through the sobs. "…dirty. Like I'm polluted, or- or- like I'll never be good again. Never be wh-whole for you or anyone else ever ag- again." The words sounded ugly out in the open, but she had to get them out. "How… how could y- you want me after this?" She turned to face him, terrified of seeing rejection or disgust there, but she saw only tears mirroring her own.

"Hey." It was gentle, but there was a hint of assertion behind it. "Don't you say that. Don't even think that. This isn't your fault, no way in hell. And I love you. I know you think this makes you… filthy, but this doesn't change that, doesn't change you. Doesn't change how I feel about you. And I'll never stop trying to make this okay.

She didn't say anything, couldn't say anything as she felt her heart swell. She just wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly as she cried into his muscular chest, the hot water cascading down on both of them. He held back just as tightly, murmuring anything remotely soothing he could think of into her hair, and pressing gentle kisses to her forehead every so often.

It felt like ages that they stood there, relishing in the other's presence and letting the events of the night slip away until the water ran cold. Dean stepped out of the shower, pulling Maddie with him, and his eyes widened as he took in the state of her body.

She looked down, shame flooding her face as she frantically tried to cover herself, but his hands found hers before she could.

"It's okay, it's okay." His voice was low and husky, just a whisper. "Let me take care of you baby girl." He pulled her hands away and checked her over for any major injuries. Relieved when he didn't find anything besides the darkening bruises. He dug through the medicine cabinet until he found some ointment, applying it tenderly to the most major spots before wrapping them in bandages. He was careful while he worked, careful not to touch her in any way that would scare her, and not to aggravate any injuries.

He wrapped her snugly in a towel when he was done and led her to her room. He smiled, kissed her forehead and turned to leave, but stopped when her hand reached out to grab his own tightly.

She looked up at him like she was struggling to words, and her eyes held a world of emotions in them.

"Stay?" Her voice was small and slightly fearful. "I… I don't want to be alone. Please." Her voice broke on the last word, and he nodded, retrieving a pair of boxers from the drawer and crawling into bed. She followed shortly after, clad in just his t-shirt and panties, and he reached over to shut the light. She lay facing him, and he ran his fingers through her hair before pressing his lips gently to her forehead. His arms wound around her waist gently, giving her time to pull away, before he pulled her close to his warm body. She closed her eyes slowly. She expected sleep to escape her, expected to lay awake for hours as her memories kept her up, but she felt a strong wave of fatigue as she lay down. Her body needed time to itself after what it went through, and she wasn't complaining if it meant she could get to sleep faster. Dean's steady heartbeat echoed loudly against her ear, and she sighed, letting it block out everything else but the feel of his warm body pressed against her own.

He squeezed her impossible closer as he felt her breathing even out against his chest. His own eyes drifted shut not long after. There would be lots of hurt in the days to come, and he knew it, but for now he could only hold her, and do his best to keep the nightmares away. And god, would he try.


	3. Chapter 3

**Another chapter done! Sorry this took so long- life is a bit hectic right now with finals and everything going on. But I hope you enjoy! More angst in this chapter with some fluff- still not sure whether to keep it fluffy or go the slutty route. What do you want to see? Let me know in reviews :3 (and reviews in general are great btw.) Enjoy!**

It was a few hours later that the dreams started.

Dean slowly opened his eyes, wondering vaguely what had woken him, before he glanced over that the sleeping figure next to him.

Maddie lay on her back, her hands fisted in the sheets and her body rigid and stiff. She was shaking violently, tears leaking from behind closed eyelids, and every so often a frightened whimper would escape her lips. Her head tossed and turned from side to side, and her body's trembling increased. It broke Dean's heart. He lost count of how many nightmares he had endured over the years, some of them quite literally nights from hell, but even he couldn't imagine what she must be going through.

Dean ran a hand through her hair, letting his hand trail down the side of her face and down to where her hands lay curled in the sheets. He slowly ran his thumb along the back of her hand until she relaxed enough to let him ease his own fingers to intertwine with hers. He pressed his lips to her forehead, murmuring anything he could think of, anything he could say to chase the dreams away.

The shuddering got less violent after a few minutes, and the whimpers turn into sighs until he could feel her waking up. Dean wrapped his arms around her still trembling frame, pulling her towards his chest. She had kicked the blankets off herself in her sleep, and her body was cold, freezing even. She snuggled into his warmth, feeling the tears start once again as Dean pressed his lips to her hair and squeezed her impossibly closer. Her tears slowly turned to silent sobs, and she held him tighter as he pulled the blankets further over them both.

"Babe, you're safe. You're okay. The bastard's dead. He can't hurt you here, not ever, I promise." He felt her nod against his chest as she let out another soft whimper. "I've got you. Let it out."

And she cried. She lost track of how long she spent sobbing against Dean's chest, reliving every second of the night's events, ranting to him about how horrible it all was in between ugly sobs. Dean never said a word, just lay there holding her, stroking her hair and never letting her go as she poured her heart out until she had no more tears left to cry. After a while, she looked up and met eyes as red as her own. She hadn't even realized Dean had been crying with her until Dean took her hand and pressed his lips to her forehead, her hair, her cheek, any part of her he could reach. Then, ever so slowly, he pressed his lips to her own. It was a feather-light peck, but to Dean's surprise Maddie instantly wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back with reckless abandon. She needed him, needed all of him, needed to forget the horrors of that black-eyed monstrosity inside of her. His lips moved against her own, needy but gentle and tender, and it made her heart swell.

It wasn't until Dean pulled back slightly and she tasted the salt on her tongue that she realized Dean was crying again. He squeezed her closer, resting his forehead against her own as he took a shaky breath, and his words were so soft she could barely hear him.

"…sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry baby, it's my fault, it's all my fault. I did this, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

The words were enough to bring tears to her eyes again. Dean was blaming himself, probably had been since he realized what the demon was about to do, and her heart broke.

"Baby, stop, stop. It's not your fault. There was nothing you could have done, you couldn't have known what he was going to do." She ran a hand through his hair, doing her best to quiet whatever voice was yelling in his head. "It's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself for this."

"But I should have stopped it, Maddie!" His voice sounded like a shout in the quiet dark. "I should have done something! It's my job to keep you safe, and I failed. I let you down. I always let down the people I love most, and I can't stand it."

"Dean Winchester. You listen to me right now- this is not your fault." He opened his mouth to say something, but she pressed her finger to his lips before he got the chance. "I saw you fighting, I saw you struggling as hard as you could, and I saw how much it hurt when you realized that you couldn't stop it. Believe me, I don't blame you and you definitely shouldn't. Blame the demon. They… do bad things."

"I'm sorry… I know there was nothing I could have done to stop him, but it was all for me, to get to me. And you got hurt. I can't handle seeing you like this because some demon wanted me to suffer."

"I'm a hunter, Dean. I knew what I was getting into when I met you."

"Still…" She silenced him by pressing her lips to his once more.

"Stop. I hate seeing you like this." She kissed him again, harder this time, and felt his mouth moving over hers softly, his tongue slipping between her lips to tease her own. Her hands found their way into his hair and their mouths melded until the need for air made itself known. It was then that Dean noticed just how tired she was- tear streaks ran down her face from red, bloodshot eyes, and he could see her struggling to keep her eyelids from drooping.

He placed one more gentle kiss to her lips before wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her against his chest. He ran his hand through her hair before he pressed his lips against her forehead.

"I've got you babe, get some rest. I'm not going anywhere."

And, surprisingly, she did.


	4. Chapter 4

**HI GUYS IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO HEINOUSLY LATE. The past few months was a pretty hard time for me and I didn't really have much motivation to write until recently. Hope you guys enjoy, and please review! (See the end for more notes) :)**

She came awake slowly the next morning, to an empty bed and a body that felt like it had been steamrolled. She sat up slowly, wincing as she felt the various aches and pains, and the weight of the previous evening hitting her like a freight train. _Where was Dean?_ It wasn't uncommon for him to wake up before her, but she thought tonight would be one of the nights he would stay until she woke up. Maddie walked into the bathroom and stared at herself, eyes widening at the sight.

The bruises had worsened in the night, and there was virtually no part of her body that wasn't slightly more greenish-purple than it was the previous day. Her eyes roamed over her aching frame slowly, and when she saw the shape of the thing's handprints on her, standing out in a stark black-and-purple hue, she felt a wave of nausea and couldn't hold it back anymore. She found herself hunched over the toilet bowl, emptying her stomach as the memories of the night before became too much. When there was nothing left she was still dry heaving, as if her body could somehow vomit up memories. It wasn't until after she finished that she felt a pair of hands on her- one holding her hair back and the other running softly down her arm.

Maddie jumped back, whirling around in panic, her eyes widening in fear. Dean held up his hands as if in surrender, though she could see the sad look in his eyes at her reaction. "Hey." His voice was low and she saw he was carrying a small bag with him. "I wanted to be here when you woke up, but I figured I'd go out and grab you a few things." He took out a bottle of painkillers as well as some sleeping pills. She relaxed after a few seconds, realizing that it was just Dean, but she lowered her eyes, ashamed of her jumpiness.

"You know throwing up is a pretty normal thing right?" He was looking at her with an expression of pure concern. "Sammy threw up for days after his first hunt. I did the same. Natural reaction to trauma."

"I wish it weren't," Maddie said with a grimace, earning a small smile from Dean.

"Oh, and… uh…" He cleared his throat, as if he was uncomfortable, and pulled out a small box from the bag. "I got you something else too. For any, um… _repercussions."_ His eyes almost imperceptibly gestured to her stomach.

 _Oh. Oh God._ She wasn't even _thinking_ about THAT. She almost retched again at the thought, but instead she just grabbed the box with shaky hands, and greedily gulped down the tiny pill. She took a couple of the painkillers for good measure, before glancing back at Dean. He stepped closer, planting a small kiss on her forehead, before helping her up and walking her back to their bedroom.

Once there, he sat her down on the bed, looking over her injuries and trying not to throw up himself at the sight of those goddamn handprints. _She looks awful and it's my fault._ The thought made his heart ache. He ran his hands up and down her arms, trying not to notice the faint trembling of her frame.

"How are you feeling?" He cringed as the words left his mouth. _Stupid… you know how she's feeling._ He did, but he had to ask.

"Like some asshole threw me through a woodchipper. Which, considering…" She winced. Dean pulled her into a tight hug- she had a feeling there would be a lot of that in the near future- and cleared his throat.

"Sam will be up soon. I know it's your decision, but I think we should tell him what happened. He's better at this kind of thing than I am, and he's the closest thing to a doctor we have around here. He can help."

She thought over his words. She would hate for both of them to feel sorry for her, for both of them to be constantly watching her like a hawk as if she would break, but she had to admit she probably did need all the help she could get. And as much as she hated being a victim, attention from the Winchester boys is something anyone would kill for. She sighed, wincing slightly at the motion.

"I think it's probably a good idea." Her voice was small. "But you tell him. I can't…" her voice broke on the last word, sending a pang through Dean's chest. She looked up at him. "I hate that now you both will look at me like I'm going to collapse any minute now. It's bad enough you've had that look on your face since we got back last night." Dean's eyes turned sadder.

"I'm sorry, he murmured, pressing his lips to your hair. "I just… I feel horrible. And I want to help you. I'm never going to stop trying to make it okay."

"It's not your fault." Her voice matched his as she laced his fingers through hers. She took a shaky breath. "I hate this."

"I know, baby girl." He pressed another kiss to your forehead. "I know."

Sam's reaction was about as much as Maddie expected. He went stiff as a board when Dean broke the news and was immediately hugging her, muttering over and over that he was sorry, that he would do anything to help, anything she needed, that he would kill the bastard if Dean hadn't already left him a bloody mess on the floor. As much as she hated being treated like something fragile, she had to admit that any excuse to be hugged by Sam Winchester was a good one. The guy was practically a giant teddy bear that was also great with a weapon.

After assuring Sam that she was okay, that she would be fine eventually after some time, that she would let him know if she needed anything and he shouldn't worry his pretty little head about it too much (which earned a slightly offronted glance from Dean) she escaped back to the bedroom and breathed a sigh of relief, putting her head in her hands. Being raped was bad enough, but having to relive it again left her exhausted. She lay back against the pillows and winced as a particularly vivid image of the previous evening flashed behind her eyes. She screwed her eyes shut and pressed her head further into the sheets, fisting her hands into the blankets. She was sound asleep before long, though; her body's aches and pains were enough to quiet her aching brain for a little while.

Dean was sitting at the table in the bunker's war room with his head in his hands, a single tear trailing down his face. "It's my fault Sammy," he said in a shaky voice. "That demon used her… violated her… to get to me. How am I supposed to live with that?"

"Dean… you did everything you could. She knows that. I know that. No one blames you here, and there was nothing you could have done. Quit beating yourself up, okay? Maddie needs you. She needs us both."

"What am I supposed to do?" His voice was so small Sam could barely hear him. "How can I help her? I'm crap at this stuff man, I have no idea what to do."

Sam put a hand on Dean's shoulder. It was rare for Dean to open up to anyone, even his brother. "Love her." His voice had a serious edge to it. "Be there for her. That's all you can do. That's all either of us can do."

 **Don't worry, there will be more coming! I'm leaving the next chapter(s) up to you guys- what do you want to see? Do you want some more fluff? Or smutty instead? Leave a review and let me know!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm so so so sorry this took so long. I'm completely swamped with school and have had absolutely no time to write. But I hope you enjoy! Reviews are loved as always and I'm hoping to have the next chapter up sooner rather than later!**

 **I decided to lay some more fluff on thick before putting some (light) smut in. Enjoy!**

The next few days were some of Dean's worst.

God, he had faced down hellhounds, ghosts and basically every monster imaginable. He had killed people, lived through the death of almost everyone he loved, hell, he wiped Lisa and Ben's memory and still never felt this bad. This was something not even he could deal with.

She would wake up screaming more often than not. She was jumpy all the time, like a small dog surrounded by Great Danes. Whenever Dean would touch her, even just the smallest brush of his fingers, she would flinch. And it broke Dean's heart.

He didn't know how to help her. She wouldn't talk about it, wouldn't admit that anything was wrong, but Dean could tell she was hurting. Hell, anyone would after what she'd been through, but Dean knew her better. He knew the signs.

She stopped eating more than she absolutely had to. She stopped watching Netflix, stopped reading, stopped doing much of anything she enjoyed while they sat around the bunker. Sometimes, Dean would find her sitting in the war room staring blankly at the wall, a faraway, fearful look in her eyes. When Dean would talk to her, try to bring her back, she would jump, shake herself as if waking up from a dream. She hadn't smiled in days.

Dean hated it.

Dean hated that he couldn't do much of anything to help her. He hated that he had no idea how to even begin to understand what she went through. But most of all, he hated that he didn't know what she needed him to do.

Because, god, he would do it. He would do whatever it took. But only if she would tell him.

It was all he could do not to burst into tears sometimes when he looked at her. She used to carry herself with such an unshakable air of confidence. No one could bring her down. She was feisty, fiery, and Dean loved that about her. Now though, she made herself as small as possible, taking up as little space as she possibly could, and not talking more than was absolutely necessary.

Dean wanted her back.

He wanted her back and he would do whatever it takes to make her smile again.

Maddie sat on the foot of their bed, legs curled up together into a small ball. The past few days were hell. She knew she couldn't really talk- hell, Sam and Dean had _been there_ , but they were. She had no appetite and she couldn't shake the flashbacks and bad thoughts that plagued her every waking moment. But the worst was seeing the look on Dean's face every time he saw her. She knew he wanted to help, but she couldn't bring herself to ask. She also knew she was keeping both brothers hostage in the bunker, since they wouldn't go on any hunts after what had happened. She hated it. She wanted her old self back. Her brain just couldn't seem to cooperate.

Tears started to silently trail down her face, and she prayed Dean wouldn't walk in on her crying again. Quiet sobs came from her broken body as she couldn't hold them in anymore. She cried until she had nothing left, until she was so exhausted she lay back onto the bed. _A little sleep wouldn't hurt._ She just hoped the nightmares would leave her be for a little while.

A day later, Sam got a phone call.

Maddie tensed up when she heard Sam and Dean arguing in whispers. She could make out a little of the dialogue; neither brother had seen her yet.

"No way, Sam, I'm not leaving her."

"Dean, Garth needs help. Vamps are dangerous- "

"-do it on your own?"

"I can handle this, Dean- "

"No way, Sammy- "

Maddie cleared her throat as she stepped into the war room. Both boys instantly stopped talking and looked over at her. Dean was at her side in an instant.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine." She wasn't. "What was that about?"

"Erm," started Sam. "Nothing. Nothing important anyway.

She gave Sam her best poker face. "Bull. Don't skip out on a hunt just because of me."

Dean's face instantly turned steely. "No way. I'm not leaving you alone."

She tired her best to hone her resolve before taking a breath. "Yes you are. Garth needs you more than I do. I'll be okay." It was the last thing in the world she wanted, to be alone in the empty bunker with nothing but her thoughts for company, but she knew the hunting world needed the Winchesters. More than she did, as much as she didn't want to admit it.

"No way-" Dean started to argue, but Maddie silenced him by placing a hand on his chest. His gaze instantly softened, and he curled his own hand around hers. _She's touching me again- that's a good sign?_

"Dean. Go. I'll be okay." Her voice was quiet but firm.

He studied her face before nodding once. "But you call if you need anything- and I mean _anything._ You call. Please." He was almost pleading with her.

"Of course. Go." She gave him a small smile, and damn if that didn't make Dean's heart soar.

* * *

Dean hated being away from her.

He hated not knowing what she was doing, not being able to see if she was okay, not being there for when she needed him. His phone was never far away, and he was constantly checking it to see if she texted, called, anything. It had been two days, and they had almost found the nest. Dean was antsy, itching to get this done quick so they could get back to the bunker.

He called her the day before, anxious to hear her voice, and when she picked up he clung to her voice like a dying man grasping at a lifeline. They made some small talk, and Dean could tell she was avoiding something. He heard her sniffle a couple of times and thought she had been crying, and that made his chest ache. But she played off, asking about the hunt, how everything was going, making sure he was okay. He could swear he heard her voice perk up with a hopeful edge when he said they were closing in on the nest, and he promised to be back as soon as he could.

"You better be," she had said. He could hear her smile through the phone.

The nest was a bitch, but both boys managed to get the job done the next day with minimal injury. He called her as soon as they were on the road, letting her know they'd be home in a few hours, and perhaps neglecting to mention that he was going about 20 above the speed limit to accomplish that. He heard her exhale, a sigh of relief.

"I'll see you soon then. Love you."

"Love you too." It'd been a few days since she said the words. Dean pressed his foot further onto the pedal, hoping he didn't wreck Baby in his haste to get to her.

They got back late that night. No sooner was Baby parked safe and sound in the bunker's garage and their bags unloaded that he went in search of her. He figured she was sleeping, so after checking her usual hideouts he went straight for the bedroom they shared. He walked swiftly down the hall to their room, opening the door. He set his eyes on their shared bed and his face instantly fell.

She was curled into a small ball on the bed, tears tracing a steady path down her face. She was moaning softly in her sleep, and her entire frame was trembling as her hands fisted into the blankets. Every so often a frightened whimper would escape her lips. Dean stood in the doorway for all of two seconds before crossing the room, stripping off his flannel and boots as he did so. He sat down on the mattress and ran his fingers through her hair, trying to ignore the pounding of his own heart. With one hand in her hair, he ran his other hand across her arm, pausing at her hand to skim his fingertips over the back of her hand. He let his 0 intertwine with hers, bending to whisper in her ear.

"Babe, you're okay. You're safe, it's just a nightmare. I've got you, you're okay…" whatever he could think of to make it better. He pressed his lips to her forehead as he felt her start to stir. He pulled back a bit, giving her time to adjust. Her eyes finally met his as she took a shaky breath, pulling him closer to wrap her arms around him. She felt him stiffen in surprise for a second, before pulling her flush against him as close as he could get. He felt her shaking, and ran his hands up and down her back in a soothing massage. He rested his forehead on top of hers. "I told you to call me if it got bad."

She glanced up at him before looking at the floor. "I didn't want to worry you. I thought I could handle it, and I didn't want you getting hurt if you were distracted."

"No." he lifted her chin up to meet her eyes, and found tears glistening there. "You should have called. You're more important to me than a bunch of vamps." She smiled slightly at that, before taking a deep breath. Dean pressed his lips to her forehead before getting up to remove his jeans and shirt. He watched her curl back up at the loss of contact, staying like that until he lay back down and pulled her closer. "Is this okay?"

"More than." She snuggled closer to him in the dark, pressing her body further into his chest. She missed him like this, missed having his warm body next to her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pressed his lips into her hair, running his fingers up and down her arm. She missed the _normalcy_ of it all, of just curling up in bed with him at the end of the night. Before the hunt, before that demon… before all of it. She wanted it back. She wanted herself back. She sighed softly and closed her eyes, curling her fingers through Dean's other hand as she drifted off to sleep again.


End file.
